ShotsWeb

Recently, I found I had forgotten how to ride a bicycle. So, I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

I was having a real problem getting my iPad to link with my PC. So, I changed its name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Did you know that England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool?

I had a teacher friend who was crossed-eyed. Unfortunately she lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.

I called the wrong number today. I said 'Hello, is Jimmy there?' A woman answered and she said 'Yes he is.' And I said ‘Can I speak to him please?’ She said ‘No, he can’t talk right now, he’s only two months old.' I said 'Alright, I’ll wait.'"

Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.

I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.

I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house

As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog.