STICKY : Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[Anon E Mouse]

My wife says she’ll leave me if I keep making marine animal puns...

I said “I don’t do it on porpoise.”

[Richard Petty]

When I first joined the army, our sergeant major made us all line up and stand up straight…

I thought "he's an attention seeker"

[Richard Petty]

My wife told me to take our new puppy for his first shots today...

Poor little thing threw up everywhere. Maybe tequila wasn't the best choice!

[Shots1954]

Someone has glued my pack of cards together...

I don't know how to deal with it

[Shots1954]

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.....

[Shots1954]

Dropped a tenner yesterday and chased it for miles...
I never caught it but at least I had a good run for my money!

[Shots1954]

I just got 3 tips off a bookie for the Grand National.

Sunshine.

Moonlight.

Good Times

If they don't win, don't blame it on Sunshine, don't blame it on Moonlight, don't blame it on Good Times, blame it on the Bookie.

[Shots1954]

I've got an interview tomorrow for a job as an underwater diver. I hope I'm successful, but am not holding my breath.

[Shots1954]

I would do a joke about cashpoint machines but I can't think of one ATM

[Shots1954]

Harry Potter figures for sale. Final reduction. Quid each!

[Shots1954]

As a scarecrow, people say I'm outstanding in my field…

But hay, it's in my jeans...

[Shots1954]

Every one in my street wears woolen jumpers that are a size too small...
We are a very tight knit community.

[Shots1954]

I've just had my bank statement through and I noticed that I've had payments go out for a water pistol, a pair of size 20 shoes, a trumpet and a red nose..
Phoned the bank and apparently my card's been clowned.....

[Shots1954]

I've got a 1999 Vauxhall Vectra with a full tank of petrol...

Looking to swap for a 4 bed detached house

[Shots1954]

I used to be in a band called 'White Lines'. We played mostly middle of the road.