STICKY : Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[beechcroft]

Had the worst day ever..i paid a joiner to build me a double bed and now hes done a bunk..it's just one thing on top of another

[Fuggletim]

I got divorced and re-married. It was a wife changing experience!

[Richard Petty]

For those people that liked ‘The Flintstones’, when they were children, it may be of interest that the cartoons are only just being shown in the United Arab Emirates.

Interestingly, the residents of Dubai do not like The Flintstones but those in AbuDhabiDo.

[Fuggletim]

At work, I gave my handyman a list of jobs to do. Later I found he had only done jobs 1, 3 and 5. Turns out he is an odd jobs man.

[Anon E Mouse]

Portugal recorded 702 passes on Tuesday...

The only way England could compete with that is if Harry Kane went on Mastermind!

[beechcroft]

Portugal recorded 702 passes on Tuesday...

The only way England could compete with that is if Harry Kane went on Mastermind!

I think Harry M could give him a run for his money

[Fuggletim]

I used to live hand to mouth. However I have now bought some cutlery.

[Richard Petty]

What do you call a Scotsman in the second round of the Euros?

A referee!

[Richard Petty]

Scientists say that it may be possible to live on Mars…

I tried it for a month and put on two stones and now I'm diabetic!

[drewshotsfan]

How many bolts are needed to hold together a lesbian's bed?

None. It's all tongue and groove

[Anon E Mouse]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,

"Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk" !!
Exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too,"
Says the duck.

"Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that,"

Says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.

"It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," Explains the duck.

"I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.

"Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

"Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job,"

Says the duck.

"Where is it?"

"At the circus,"

Says the barman.

"The circus?"

Repeats the duck.

"That's right,"

Replies the barman.

"The circus?"

The duck asks again.

with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says;

"What the hell would they want with a plasterer" ???

[Chalkie]

The England squad visited an orphanage in Germany today.

"It's heart breaking to see the despair and lack of hope on their faces" said Dieter, aged 6.

[Fuggletim]

There was a robbery at the Apple Store in Basingstoke today! I was an iWitness……..

[beechcroft]

I enjoy eating Veal, but my wife is a vegie and is always on my back ! She eats baby Carrots ! how is that fair !!!

[Fuggletim]

Just got a new puppy! Have called him “Cadbury’s Research” as he’s a chocolate lab…….