STICKY : Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[Anon E Mouse]

My neighbour has lent me her waterproof canvas sheets for my camping trip this Bank Holiday weekend.

Ta Pauline.

[Anon E Mouse]

My friend said he was thinking of buying a car with a transparent driving wheel.

I told him to steer clear.

[Chalkie]

Vaping is weird.....

You walk past a group of guys who look like gangsters, but smell of strawberry muffins.

[Chalkie]

I bought a little bag of air today.
The company that made it was kind enough to put some potato chips in it as well.

[Anon E Mouse]

Does anyone know how to fix broken hinges?

Please pop round, my door is always open.

[Anon E Mouse]

The Mrs has just come into the living room in a little pvc number, fishnet stocking, high heels. She handed me a beer and told me to sit down and relax and when she comes back she will give me 'what she does best'. I can't wait. I love her sheperds pie.

[Anon E Mouse]

Going into my teenage sons bedroom is like a trip to IKEA...

I went in for a look and came out with 6 cups, 4 plates, 3 bowls and some cutlery!

[Anon E Mouse]

Just split up with my girlfriend. We both wanted different things.
She wanted a baby and I wanted to watch TV without someone talking all the time.

[Chalkie]

Last night I ordered a glass of wine with my dinner and the waiter asked for my ID.

I replied "do I look that young?"

The waiter said "no. I just wanted to see if you qualified for the Senior Citizen discount."

[Richard Petty]

Vladimir Putin is in the line for customs when he arrives at Poland for a summit.
Customs Officer: "Name?"
Putin: "Vladimir Putin."
Customs Officer: "Nationality?"
Putin: "Russian."
Customs Officer: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting."

[Fuggletim]

Apparently when the Doctor asks if you drink and smoke, it isn’t an invitation…..

[Anon E Mouse]

I got invited to Tony the Tigers wedding.

It was a bit of a frostie reception.

[Anon E Mouse]

I went into a shop and said, ‘Can someone sell me a kettle?’

The bloke said ‘Kenwood?’

I said, ‘Cool, where is he?'

[Fuggletim]

I am going for a cheap holiday in Derbyshire in November. It’s an “Off Peak” holiday…..

[Anon E Mouse]

Fosters are to market a zero alcohol lager…

It's going to be called Fosters!