STICKY : Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[Fuggletim]

I went to a faith healing meeting last night. It was so bad even the bloke in the wheelchair got up and walked out……

[Fuggletim]

Setting up a local “Anarchist” group later that day was even worse! Nobody could agree with the rules of its constitution……

[Anon E Mouse]

Typical!
No one turned up at Camouflage Club.
Again!

[Anon E Mouse]

I once dated a one-legged girl who worked in a brewery.

She was in charge of the hops.

[Fuggletim]

I was down the pub with the boys when my other half came in. She looked really angry and shouted “I think you have had enough and we are going home!”

I told her I wasn’t going anywhere and she told me she was talking to our children…..

[Graham Stovold]

A male patient is lying in bed in hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a problematic four-hour surgical procedure.
A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, sir.
I'm only here to wash your upper body.'
He struggles to ask again,
'Nurse, are my testicles black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worrying about his testicles,
she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other,
lifting and moving them around and around gently.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you,
there's nothing wrong with them, sir !!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask,
smiles at her and says very slowly,
'Thank you very much.
That was wonderful but listen very, very closely.....
A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ?'

[Fuggletim]

I bought the Aldershot News today and noticed a classified advert. Don’t know what it was so secretive for……

[Anon E Mouse]

I'm convinced my wife is secretly putting glue on my antique weapons collection…

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

[Anon E Mouse]

Was going to make a joke about sodium....

But then I thought Na...

[Chalkie]

Me: The kids haven't eaten their sandwiches.

Wife: OK, just throw them out.

[Later]

Me: (Helping the kids pack a suitcase) Look. I'm as surprised as you are.

[Anon E Mouse]

I applied for a job looking after the Australian marsupials at the zoo...

However I didn't possess the necessary koalafications...

[Fuggletim]

Some people call me the “Space Cowboy” ; some call me the “Gangster of Love.” Some people call me “Maurice…”

The barista at Costa looked at me said “I’ll just put Steve Miller on your Americano cup then……”

[Graham Stovold]

: Marriage Guidance
Eileen and her husband Bob went for counselling after
25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into
a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25
years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet
needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up,
walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her,
unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them
thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a
raised eyebrow!
Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat
down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a
week.. Can you do this?'
Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I
can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays ...
But on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays I play Golf ...

[mountpleasant61]

A bloke was doing some awkward work when he injured his "old fella"
The pain was so bad he decided to go to the hospital.
Somehow he went into the part of the hospital which was for injured feet.
On entering the nurse asked if she could look at his problem.
When he got his "old fella " out she was shocked and said " my goodness, that isn't a foot"
He then said " No, but it's a good eleven and a half inches"

[Anon E Mouse]

I went on a trip to a postcard factory last week.

It was OK. Nothing to write home about.